The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
