remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
