your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
