You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
