Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
