I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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