There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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