my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
