I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
