Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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