So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
