uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
