everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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