His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
