I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
