I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
