Ambien. No doubt about it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
