the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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