Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it's like iHOP with fire
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
