There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
