Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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