Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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