So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
