is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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