I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
