i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
