you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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