I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
