just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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