If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
