I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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