"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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