I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
