Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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