Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
