Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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