I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The Olympian is in my bed
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