it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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