Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
