If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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