What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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