Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
