I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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