ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
