If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
