There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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