i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize