Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
