Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
