i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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