I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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