Soap is not a condiment
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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