Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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