So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
