I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
