Can i not drive my cunt home
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
