i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
