I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
