At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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