I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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