Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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