when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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