We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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