Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
