When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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