I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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