dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
