she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
